I’ve been seeing alot of posts about this girl named Qinni who recently passed away due to health issues. While I didn’t know who she was, I’ve seen people talking about her first through Twitter, then on deviantart, now on Tumblr.
I recognized something I had then in my Expressive favorites folder. It was an animation of a girl painting goldfish and they flew into the night sky. I realized I did recognize her work and I just forgot through time. I felt bad. But could I blame myself? No. Reality is cruel and sometimes the people in your life can not only make everyday difficult, but toxic.
It’s a long, complicated story but when my mother did the unthinkable on Sunday, January 6th, 2019, and destroyed 460 of my pictures dating back to when I was 12 to 15 years old, I was devastated. Not only were they pictures I printed and collected from other artists, but they were drawings, sketches and paintings I did. Even paintings I had put up on display at the front entry of the high school I use to go to. I was distraught. She destroyed them like they were trash. Like they didn’t mean Anything to me. She was a heartless, shallow woman to do such a thing to me and for that I will never forgive her. I still haven’t and she still hasn’t apologized to me for it. I continue to pray for the day I’ll finally cut ties with her.
My art meant alot to me like Qinni’s art meant to her. She wanted to share her talent with every one of you, to express her soul, her feelings. It was what nurtured her heart. Sharing my art is what nurtures my heart. That’s why I’ve been searching high and low for the pictures I once had and working to recreate the pictures I did then. In the picture is one of them. I will never give or share my art with toxic people ever, but I will share my art with people who respect me, who treat me like an actual person that matters.
I had heart surgery like Qinni, only one. Only one. And yet, this is what I’ve been doing with myself. Obliging to my narcissistic parent’s rules while I scroll through social media to drown out my boredom, yet subconsciously rotting my brain. I can’t do that. I can’t. We are only given one chance of life, I was given a second & yet it isn’t enough. It isn’t good enough to uplift me into a better life than what I have now. Never mind having a roof over my head, I want my true happiness. Living on my own but also doing what I love doing and am good at doing. Never mind cleaning the house, doing your laundry, I need to draw. I need to do some fanart. Anyone who says otherwise can just fuck off. I am not letting my life slip away like everyone else’s is and did and has. Qinni lived through it to the fullest with her hobbies and her art. I want to do the same!
Originally posted by jmfenner91
Originally posted by jmfenner91
Originally posted by nikita-ermakov
Originally posted by una-rosa-es-blog
Originally posted by velvetmotel